the end begins (and my life)

[originally posted August 14, 2003]

these cuts run deeper than than your soul will ever be. my scars are more permanent than your [lust/love]. ... what you call insanity, i call me... MAGNIFIED. head aching with misery. eyes blurry. touch me now and i just may pretend you're someone else. your smell makes me dizzy. if i fall it will be your fault... except i was the one spinning around in circles. i know what you're going to say. what is this aching in my gut? i'm bleeding but i can't find the source of pain to stop it. your jokes won't mend this one. i gasp as a sudden realization brings me to my knees. it wasn't you. it was me who drew the dagger. what do i see as i look down? a dull blood-covered knife in MY hand. so what if i'm crazy, i'm a fucking maniac. ...at least i'm not boring, right ash? how can i say i love you back.. you never made me happy. this is not the time... when broken is easily fixed. YOU drive me crazy. no not you, YOU. whatever you do, don't say you love me. you gave up everything. i never said i'd give it back. 

I swear we're not crazy

This is for Ashton's and my old Melo posts from high school.  We used to be very dramatic ... we also used to be very awesome.  Occasionally some actual quality writing came out of our semi-psychotic rants.  Looking back through these old posts makes me feel old and boring, not to mention as though I have used up most of my creative juices.  This forces me assume I must be miserable in order to be creative.  Sigh....